Exhaling

Today John left for a trip to California with his senior class. I miss him already. It is such a joy to watch him as he prepares to graduate. No more homework, no more deadlines, no more tests...just a load of fun with a load of friends. I couldn't be happier for him.

Mariah turned 16 last week. She got her license, permission to date and is eager to find a job. She said, "I'm free!" which made me laugh, because I didn't exactly see her as being imprisoned for the first 15 years. I couldn't be happier for her either.

I marvel at these two children of mine. So different and yet both so completely attached to my heart. John likes to be grounded; Mariah can't wait to fly. John seeks consistency; Mariah likes change. He is a natural musician; she a reader and writer. What a joy it is to raise these lambs of mine. To watch them grow physically, spiritually and emotionally. With all due respect to Sophie's Choice - I could never choose.

I was talking to a co-worker on Friday about motherhood, because her baby is due to be born any day now. Exclaiming, "It goes so fast" is such a cliche', but I imagine it is because it is so true.

For all of you who are new moms, or soon to be moms, I can't emphasize it enough: cherish the moments with your little ones. Cherish the mundane as well as the fun. These moments that tick by into hours, days, weeks, months and years are the moments that will weave themselves into a tapestry. One day in the future you can sit back, exhale and let your mind and heart be covered in this tapestry of memories. Mine is still being woven together, as is yours. Like me, you will have some knots, strings and holes in your tapestry, but the beauty will remain.

I leave you with the most beautiful of reminders from The Fiddler on the Roof:

Sunrise, Sunset

"Is this the little girl I carried?

Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older

When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?

When did he grow to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday

when they were small?

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly fly the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears."

lady of leisure

I am sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner in the middle of my kitchen while I type this post. I am feeling lazy indeed, as I watch my friendly carpet cleaning man slaving away over my filthy carpet while I rock in this chair. Mind you, it was my intent to clean the kitchen while he cleaned the carpets. However, I failed to remember that when he cleans the carpets he moves all the furniture into the kitchen...so I'm off the hook (lucky me). It is so out of character for me to sit around while workers work. I am usually far to embarrassed to do so. In fact, some of my most productive times are when others are around. The pool man can be outside working on the pool and look inside the window to see me scurrying around my nest picking up and cleaning like a bat out of hell. (Little does he know that when he leaves, and no one is around to see me, I plop my rear down on the sofa to absorb another fascinating episode of The Real Housewives of New York City!) It just occurred to me that the way I could be productive every day is to schedule some repair at my home!

I am trying, desperately, to get ready for Mariah's 16th birthday party on Saturday. Being sick for the last two weeks has not helped my cause. On Monday, I finally said to myself, "START CLEANING" and my self answered back, "okay, if I have to." So I did. The house is coming along and I keep reminding myself that a bunch of teenagers are going to care about the food and friends and not whether my coffee tables are perfectly dusted. Perfectionism...the noose around my neck.

I find my self lurking around people's sites and wonder if everyone does this. I go on Facebook and click on a friend's site then the next thing I know I am visiting all kinds of people that I don't know and who don't know I am visiting them! I do this with blogspot blogs as well. I am not sure why I do this, as I have absolutely NO connection to any of these people. I am presently in some Facebook doo-doo, because I am ignoring friend requests right and left. I know that Facebook is a social networking website. I do get that, but I find it odd to be inviting people into my present day world just because I went to high school with them 32 years ago. These people are strangers to me. I wouldn't know them if I were standing next to them in the Starbuck's line (yum). There is a part of me that says, 'what's the big deal'? but the other part screams, 'don't do it!' so I keep clicking 'ignore'. This action of ignoring then brings on anxiety. I picture myself going to a high school reunion and having a group of people standing next to the chips and dip and whispering, "she ignored my Facebook request."

Which brings me to my latest and greatest gripe: Twittering! What is up with this? We are becoming a nation of The Self Absorbed. I know, I know I have just dropped the hammer on my legion of fans who woke up this morning and thought, "I wonder what Michele is doing right now?" It causes me pain to be disappointing those of you who have been waiting with bated breath to find out when I make my trek to the mailbox each day. I want to do it for you, because as you know my life is uber-exciting, but I just can't do it. I am sick of hearing about it as well. Doesn't the fact that the suspender-wearing-relic, Larry King, is twittering tell you anything? Don't get me wrong, I love Larry King and watch his show several times a week, but I DON'T need to know when he is taking his Metamucil.

The carpets are done and I am reminded once again of what color they are, which isn't the brown I've grown accustomed to. How beautifully refreshing (kind of like this break I had). Thanks for tuning in.

h1n1 is a dumb name

who named the swine flu 'h1n1'? call me silly, but i don't think it is necessary for a flu name to be four syllables. i prefer 'swine' because it has a comical ring to it, and Lord knows when you have the flu you need to find humor in it. i have to laugh at the graphics that i see on tv with the little pigs and the headline "SWINE FLU". what kind of cute graphics are they going to have for "H1N1"? that's not fun! so here we have another case of dumbing down america. rather than continuing to educate people that they will not get the flu from eating pork, we are just going to change the name for the ignorant masses. i would assume that most people, like me, hear 'h1n1' and think to themselves, 'that's the swine flu!' so what is the point?

yesterday i watched kirstie alley talking about her weight gain on oprah. (yes, i DID swear off oprah, but have allowed myself to get sucked back in once she stopped with her 'woo woo' new age subjects.) anyway, back to the fatties...it was refreshing to listen to kirstie talk to oprah about her journey. she's just like me (except i'm not a famous-scientologist-actress and i haven't gained back all of my weight plus ten extra pounds). i've always liked kirstie alley because of the transparency with which she shares. i like people who are authentic. plus, she was able to laugh about it, and you know how i feel about laughter. you've gotta laugh.

no withchild today as i am too sick to go in. i will leave you with this story-of-the-week. a forty five year old woman called withchild and said that she needed an ultrasound so that she could find out how far along her baby was and plan an abortion. my director, kim, met her at the doctor's office for an ultrasound. when the technician put the device on her stomach the screen was taken up with a baby's face staring back at them. kim said that in all of her years of doing this work she has never seen a sight like that. this little boy was looking out of the womb right at them. the woman, who was 22 1/2 weeks along, said she could never abort a baby that was just looking at her and said she wanted to talk adoption. the end of the story is that she has picked a couple who, like her, are older and not the young, beautiful type. they have embraced her despite her tattoos and piercings and she has embraced them despite the fact that they wouldn't be most people's first choice. baby is coming in august and i praise God for this 'snapshot' that saved a life.