Today love won. Well, actually it won on April 16th, but today I saw the result.
Last year I counseled with a woman at With Child who was pregnant. She was adamant about wanting to abort her baby. I don't actually think she *wanted* to abort, but she was feeling an exorbitant amount of pressure from her mother to do so. She had already taken the morning after pill and had morphine in the hospital, but she was still pregnant and did not want the baby. I begged her (begged. her.) not to abort. I can still remember where she was sitting, where I was, and how I pleaded with her. I didn't see her again, but hoped and prayed that something I said resonated.
I saw her later in the year and asked about her baby. She just shook her head and tears filled her eyes. I didn't ask. I didn't really need to. I could see the weight of her decision in every part of her being. My heart just sank as she relayed to me how horrible it was and the regret she felt. I talked to her about my forgiving God and how healing could come. She touched her belly and told me she was pregnant again. Atonement Baby. So often women who abort get pregnant very soon afterwards. They don't always recognize that they are trying to replace what was lost, that they are trying to give life for the life taken. She looked at me with her tear filled eyes and told me that THIS baby she was keeping. She told me that her mom would not be happy, but she didn't care because it was her baby.
Today I wasn't working but got a text message that said someone was there with their newborn and wanted to see me because I helped her so she wouldn't abort. I rushed to With Child and met her son. Sweet Dillon. His mother loves him and so does HER mother. I cried my eyes out holding this boy. I had no part in his creation, no part in his birth, but I am moved by the knowledge that God gave his mama another chance. Her pregnancy was not easy, he was born early...but he was born.
Last week was a dark week for me. I questioned how I could be used at With Child because I was feeling incredibly flawed as a human being. I knew in my heart that it was a lie from the pit of hell, because I see miracles at With Child all the time, but I was tormented all the same. Today, God loved me enough to give me a glimpse (again) of what He - in His perfection - is able to accomplish through me - in my imperfection. So yes, I wept. For the joy of Dillon, for the hope for his mama and for the love that God continues to show me.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13
7 years ago