When Love Wins

Today love won.  Well, actually it won on April 16th, but today I saw the result.   

Last year I counseled with a woman at With Child who was pregnant.  She was adamant about wanting to abort her baby.  I don't actually think she *wanted* to abort, but she was feeling an exorbitant amount of pressure from her mother to do so.  She had already taken the morning after pill and had morphine in the hospital, but she was still pregnant and did not want the baby. I begged her (begged. her.) not to abort.  I can still remember where she was sitting, where I was, and how I pleaded with her. I didn't see her again, but hoped and prayed that something I said resonated.

I saw her later in the year and asked about her baby.  She just shook her head and tears filled her eyes. I didn't ask.  I didn't really need to.  I could see the weight of her decision in every part of her being.  My heart just sank as she relayed to me how horrible it was and the regret she felt.  I talked to her about my forgiving God and how healing could come. She touched her belly and told me she was pregnant again.  Atonement Baby.  So often women who abort get pregnant very soon afterwards.  They don't always recognize that they are trying to replace what was lost, that they are trying to give life for the life taken.  She looked at me with her tear filled eyes and told me that THIS baby she was keeping.  She told me that her mom would not be happy, but she didn't care because it was her baby.

Today I wasn't working but got a text message that said someone was there with their newborn and wanted to see me because I helped her so she wouldn't abort.  I rushed to With Child and met her son.  Sweet Dillon.  His mother loves him and so does HER mother.   I cried my eyes out holding this boy.  I had no part in his creation, no part in his birth, but I am moved by the knowledge that God gave his mama another chance.  Her pregnancy was not easy, he was born early...but he was born.

Last week was a dark week for me.  I questioned how I could be used at With Child because I was feeling incredibly flawed as a human being. I knew in my heart that it was a lie from the pit of hell, because I see miracles at With Child all the time, but I was tormented all the same.  Today, God loved me enough to give me a glimpse (again) of what He - in His perfection -  is able to accomplish through me - in my imperfection.  So yes, I wept.  For the joy of Dillon, for the hope for his mama and for the love that God continues to show me.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

Mom

 















This is my mom who would have celebrated her 77th Birthday today. God took her home 15 years ago and she is dearly missed by those who knew her and loved her - which is  most likely everyone who knew her. 

It is almost impossible to describe the loss of your mom to someone who hasn't been down that road, but it is profound.  I remember shortly after she died I was sitting in my Bible Study during the worship time and started crying.  Someone asked me what was wrong and I told her that I missed my mom.  Her response was something like, "Oh, you're still having a hard time with that?"  I was dismayed (okay, and a little angry) at her comment, but even now I have to chalk it up to someone who just hasn't been down that road...yet.  She will some day.  She'll come to understand that the loss continues for a lifetime.  It isn't the kind of thing that you can just slap a bandaid on.  Because a mom is a mom and the wound is deep.

My  peace, my only peace regarding her death, is that I share her unwavering faith in Christ.  She loved Him, followed Him, lived for Him and is now with Him.   ...and someday I will be with both of them.  One of the last things my mom said to me was, "Jesus knows best."  My mom knew me and knew that those were the precise words I needed to hear.  To carry me through her passing, to carry me through my life:  Jesus knows best.

I have had the blessing of vivid dreams of being with my mom. Wonderful, beautiful dreams of walking together, talking together.  I long for these dreams...pray for them to come.  It's all I have for now.
 
 I just need to say this: If your mom is still here...
~love her
~forgive her
~call her
~laugh with her
~cry with her
~write down recipes
~ask about heirlooms
~ask about her childhood
~share memories 
~hug her
~listen 
~talk to her
~spend time together

My mom was 57 in the above picture and died 5 years later at 62.  So young.  None of us know the days we have left, but I believe as David proclaimed, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16  I know she believed that, too.

Love and Be Loved.

"Acknowledge and take heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below.  There is no other."  Deuteronomy 4:39

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."  John 3:16-17