Life

I had to laugh as I watched Dave Ramsey today. He was talking about he and his wife feeling out of place at an event and said, "I felt like a hot dog in a steakhouse". That just cracked me up. I've often felt like a hot dog in a steakhouse, too, but usually I feel like the baked potato (rimshot).

Speaking of food, I've lost my appetite. Well, it isn't completely gone but it seems to have its bags packed and be on its way out. I was standing in the grocery store yesterday and could not think of even one thing that sounded appealing to eat. I marveled at this. I'm sure it's a passing thing and had everything to do with the stress of the day (weeks...months). In fact, as I sit here I ponder the taste of a Caramel Macchiato. Does that count as food?

I'm almost done with Beth Moore's Esther Bible study. It has been exactly what I needed at this time of my life. I have learned a lot from the study about the subject, God and myself. Beth's delivery STILL makes me feel like she is yelling at me every week, but since most people don't feel that way I have to chalk it up to a personality thing. I truly like her transparency, and like the content...but that delivery thing hangs me up a bit. The best thing I've learned so far is that we should not live our life fearing the 'what ifs', but rather trust God to the point that even if the 'what if' happened He would see us through. I was also moved by the instruction to be brave in making decisions.

May each of you go forth today bathed in Christ's love.

Michael Jackson and Me

I really should be blogging about my recent trip to Kansas, but since that involves posting pictures it will need to wait. Stay tuned...

For the record, let me begin by stating that yes...the MJ coverage was bloated, voyuristic and overdone. That said, I did participate in watching the memorial on Tuesday. I found it to be a beautiful and a fitting tribute to a man who, like him or not, had an impact on our world (musically speaking). I have heard people in the media ask, "which Michael will you remember?" I will remember him as being one of the most uniquely talented individuals I have ever seen. I have actually grieved the prospect of not being able to watch him in the coming years because, as a performer goes, he had no peers. I loved, loved, loved his song "Man in the Mirror" and many of his early songs as well. Obviously, he had issues, but so do I. I am going to go against the grain of some (most?) and refrain from judging him regarding the child molestation charges against him. I wasn't there, and he was acquitted of the charges. Since I will never know the truth, I am going to choose to err on the side of his innocence. Along those same lines, I feel compelled to bring up another point. The people who called him "friend", the people who really knew him, are people of quality. These individuals (like Stevie Wonder, Brooke Shields, Smokey Robinson, Lionel Richie, etc.) don't appear to me to be people who would give a pedophile a "pass" just because he is talented.

I am most heartsick over the question of his salvation. I leave these things in God's hands. It is, however, a good reminder to us all that looks, talent, status, celebrity, fame, money, good works, or a charitable heart don't lead to salvation. In the end, when your body is gone and your spirit lives on, faith in Christ is the only thing that matters.

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
and no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself then make a change."

There's a reason it's called a Crackberry

It all started out innocently enough. It was a facebook quiz "name five things you can't live without". These items were to be material in nature, not people and animals, etc. So I listed my Blackberry (along with coffee, Jeep, tv and Bible). Less than 48 hours later, said Blackberry went on the fritz. A serious fritz. Half of my icons were missing, phone kept freezing up, I couldn't make calls or listen to voice messages. You get the picture. When I called customer service they said, "no problem...it sounds like it is a software issue so we will replace it." YIPPEEEEE. I couldn't wait for snailmail since I am taking two vacations soon, so I drove to the other end of the city to make the exchange.

Now, you would think (considering how much I wanted a new Blackberry) that I would be Little Miss Pippy Skippy down to the AT & T store to do the exchange, but all I felt was anxiety. Anxiety resulting from the dreaded question that was bound to be asked, "have you ever dropped your phone?" I am too honest to answer, "no"...and too smart to answer, "yes". It's a true moral dilema. Is there anyone (I say anyone) who has never dropped their phone? I have yet to hurl it off a balcony, but yes...I have dropped my phone. In fact, when I bought my Blackberry I told the man that I sometimes drop my phone and he basically said, "no worries...they're hearty little suckers." So there I am at the customer service counter making all nice with the rep (having already prayed and asked God to PLEASE not have him ask me if I have dropped my phone. I was quite thankful that I had included the Bible in my original list of things I couldn't live without so that God knew I still cared about Him, too.) :) I did my very best fast-talking-smiling-inquiring-story-telling to fill all of the dead air so that he couldn't slip that question in. ...and it worked, kind of.

In the midst of all of this I was also feeling sad about losing my original Blackberry. (Don't read on unless you can fully accept the fact that I am a complete weirdo and still like me.) I was actually getting emotional about leaving my first Blackberry at the store as if it had feelings. I said 'goodbye' to it and may have even 'thanked it'. (I'm scaring myself here). This is not the first time I have gotten verklempt over an inanimate object. When someone bought my Honda I thought I was going to turn to mush as they drove it away...even though I had a much better replacement car. And when we rented a huge dumpster to throw away old garbage and things from the garage and house I actually took a picture of the half-filled dumpster as my things were going bye-bye.

Back to the story. So the guy says he is going to replace my Blackberry. Whew. Later in the conversation, the idea of phone dropping did come up, and I did confess, but by this point he liked me enough that it was a non-dramatic-confession. He was cool. Yeah. Once I got home with my Blackberry it took hours to input all of my contacts, settings, etc. Nothing could be transfered due to the software glitch. This was my bonding time (I can admit this since you now know I bond with inanimate objects).

What I learned, is what I already knew to be true, I CAN live without my Blackberry. I was still breathing. I must say, this did reaffirm my commitment to take one day a week and turn it off. When I did it, it was freeing, so I am going to do that again. I have also vowed to do whatever I can to keep this phone in my paws so that it doesn't drop.

Everyone needs a lofty goal in life.

Dear Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

I wanted to take a few minutes to thank you (so much) for once again letting your barking dog out at 7 am. I just love the sound of his yelp over, and over and over. It is like a symphony to my ears. It is especially wonderful on mornings, like this morning, when I have hardly slept due to insomnia. Why, it almost makes me giddy to hear that yelp and know that my day can begin and my restless night can end. I can't help but notice that once I am up, the dog stops yelping. How clever. A furry alarm clock. I, for one, would like to roll up a newspaper and hit the snooze button.

I wish I could find some way to repay you for your kindness in thinking about me and the other neighbors in the area. You probably have no idea that your yelping dog symbolizes life and is a constant reminder that (like your dog) no matter how often a door is (symbolically) slammed in our face, we should keep on yelping...I mean trying.

Since it is summer I could be sleeping in and spending my mornings lazily in bed. Thank you for helping me rise and shine in the 7 o'clock hour so that when August comes my early mornings won't be a shock to my system.

I'll think of you every morning (I'm sure),

Your tired neighbor

Exhaling

Today John left for a trip to California with his senior class. I miss him already. It is such a joy to watch him as he prepares to graduate. No more homework, no more deadlines, no more tests...just a load of fun with a load of friends. I couldn't be happier for him.

Mariah turned 16 last week. She got her license, permission to date and is eager to find a job. She said, "I'm free!" which made me laugh, because I didn't exactly see her as being imprisoned for the first 15 years. I couldn't be happier for her either.

I marvel at these two children of mine. So different and yet both so completely attached to my heart. John likes to be grounded; Mariah can't wait to fly. John seeks consistency; Mariah likes change. He is a natural musician; she a reader and writer. What a joy it is to raise these lambs of mine. To watch them grow physically, spiritually and emotionally. With all due respect to Sophie's Choice - I could never choose.

I was talking to a co-worker on Friday about motherhood, because her baby is due to be born any day now. Exclaiming, "It goes so fast" is such a cliche', but I imagine it is because it is so true.

For all of you who are new moms, or soon to be moms, I can't emphasize it enough: cherish the moments with your little ones. Cherish the mundane as well as the fun. These moments that tick by into hours, days, weeks, months and years are the moments that will weave themselves into a tapestry. One day in the future you can sit back, exhale and let your mind and heart be covered in this tapestry of memories. Mine is still being woven together, as is yours. Like me, you will have some knots, strings and holes in your tapestry, but the beauty will remain.

I leave you with the most beautiful of reminders from The Fiddler on the Roof:

Sunrise, Sunset

"Is this the little girl I carried?

Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older

When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?

When did he grow to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday

when they were small?

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly fly the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears."

lady of leisure

I am sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner in the middle of my kitchen while I type this post. I am feeling lazy indeed, as I watch my friendly carpet cleaning man slaving away over my filthy carpet while I rock in this chair. Mind you, it was my intent to clean the kitchen while he cleaned the carpets. However, I failed to remember that when he cleans the carpets he moves all the furniture into the kitchen...so I'm off the hook (lucky me). It is so out of character for me to sit around while workers work. I am usually far to embarrassed to do so. In fact, some of my most productive times are when others are around. The pool man can be outside working on the pool and look inside the window to see me scurrying around my nest picking up and cleaning like a bat out of hell. (Little does he know that when he leaves, and no one is around to see me, I plop my rear down on the sofa to absorb another fascinating episode of The Real Housewives of New York City!) It just occurred to me that the way I could be productive every day is to schedule some repair at my home!

I am trying, desperately, to get ready for Mariah's 16th birthday party on Saturday. Being sick for the last two weeks has not helped my cause. On Monday, I finally said to myself, "START CLEANING" and my self answered back, "okay, if I have to." So I did. The house is coming along and I keep reminding myself that a bunch of teenagers are going to care about the food and friends and not whether my coffee tables are perfectly dusted. Perfectionism...the noose around my neck.

I find my self lurking around people's sites and wonder if everyone does this. I go on Facebook and click on a friend's site then the next thing I know I am visiting all kinds of people that I don't know and who don't know I am visiting them! I do this with blogspot blogs as well. I am not sure why I do this, as I have absolutely NO connection to any of these people. I am presently in some Facebook doo-doo, because I am ignoring friend requests right and left. I know that Facebook is a social networking website. I do get that, but I find it odd to be inviting people into my present day world just because I went to high school with them 32 years ago. These people are strangers to me. I wouldn't know them if I were standing next to them in the Starbuck's line (yum). There is a part of me that says, 'what's the big deal'? but the other part screams, 'don't do it!' so I keep clicking 'ignore'. This action of ignoring then brings on anxiety. I picture myself going to a high school reunion and having a group of people standing next to the chips and dip and whispering, "she ignored my Facebook request."

Which brings me to my latest and greatest gripe: Twittering! What is up with this? We are becoming a nation of The Self Absorbed. I know, I know I have just dropped the hammer on my legion of fans who woke up this morning and thought, "I wonder what Michele is doing right now?" It causes me pain to be disappointing those of you who have been waiting with bated breath to find out when I make my trek to the mailbox each day. I want to do it for you, because as you know my life is uber-exciting, but I just can't do it. I am sick of hearing about it as well. Doesn't the fact that the suspender-wearing-relic, Larry King, is twittering tell you anything? Don't get me wrong, I love Larry King and watch his show several times a week, but I DON'T need to know when he is taking his Metamucil.

The carpets are done and I am reminded once again of what color they are, which isn't the brown I've grown accustomed to. How beautifully refreshing (kind of like this break I had). Thanks for tuning in.

h1n1 is a dumb name

who named the swine flu 'h1n1'? call me silly, but i don't think it is necessary for a flu name to be four syllables. i prefer 'swine' because it has a comical ring to it, and Lord knows when you have the flu you need to find humor in it. i have to laugh at the graphics that i see on tv with the little pigs and the headline "SWINE FLU". what kind of cute graphics are they going to have for "H1N1"? that's not fun! so here we have another case of dumbing down america. rather than continuing to educate people that they will not get the flu from eating pork, we are just going to change the name for the ignorant masses. i would assume that most people, like me, hear 'h1n1' and think to themselves, 'that's the swine flu!' so what is the point?

yesterday i watched kirstie alley talking about her weight gain on oprah. (yes, i DID swear off oprah, but have allowed myself to get sucked back in once she stopped with her 'woo woo' new age subjects.) anyway, back to the fatties...it was refreshing to listen to kirstie talk to oprah about her journey. she's just like me (except i'm not a famous-scientologist-actress and i haven't gained back all of my weight plus ten extra pounds). i've always liked kirstie alley because of the transparency with which she shares. i like people who are authentic. plus, she was able to laugh about it, and you know how i feel about laughter. you've gotta laugh.

no withchild today as i am too sick to go in. i will leave you with this story-of-the-week. a forty five year old woman called withchild and said that she needed an ultrasound so that she could find out how far along her baby was and plan an abortion. my director, kim, met her at the doctor's office for an ultrasound. when the technician put the device on her stomach the screen was taken up with a baby's face staring back at them. kim said that in all of her years of doing this work she has never seen a sight like that. this little boy was looking out of the womb right at them. the woman, who was 22 1/2 weeks along, said she could never abort a baby that was just looking at her and said she wanted to talk adoption. the end of the story is that she has picked a couple who, like her, are older and not the young, beautiful type. they have embraced her despite her tattoos and piercings and she has embraced them despite the fact that they wouldn't be most people's first choice. baby is coming in august and i praise God for this 'snapshot' that saved a life.