Exchanging Gift Cards

I'm not a Scrooge, I promise. I love gift cards as much as the next person, but I just can't get over the silliness of exchanging gift cards at Christmas. What is the point of giving my brother in law a $50 gift card to Harkins and then opening his gift to me: a $50 gift card to Target? Why are we going through the motions of pretending we are 'gifting' one another? It's different with actual gifts. I might get my sister a pair of earrings, and she might get me a pair, but at least thought went into the purchase and there is a surprise when opening the gift. How can one be surprised by a gift card when they asked the purchaser to get them one? I love the attempt of family members to ACT surprised! My response usually goes something like this, "Wowwwww...a GIFT CARD to TARGET!!" Admittedly, I still love receiving them, but deep down inside I yearn for the days when gifts were gifts and you bought them for the people you wanted to buy them for...not the people whose name you picked. One of my greatest joys this season was buying a small gift for someone who wasn't on my list because I found something that reminded me of them. That, to me, is a Christmas gift.

Baby Calvin

Ahhhhhhhh. A couple of weeks ago I met baby Calvin. Finally. I was waiting until I got over my Kansas sickness because I didn't want to be around a newborn and take a chance of passing along some gunk. He was certainly worth the wait.

Analicia, Calvin's mom, came in to With Child in October and told me that she wanted to make a plan for adoption. She thought she had several months to go in her pregnancy, but one turn of my pregnancy "wheel of fortune" told a different story. I let her know that she was actually 36 weeks pregnant and then took her for a free ultrasound to confirm it.

That same day she chose a potential adoptive couple from my book, that evening we all met together at The Islands, two weeks later Calvin was born and three days after that he went home with his new mommy and daddy.

I never, ever tire of this process. The unselfish love shown by the birth families, the love poured out by the adoptive families and the new life that reaps the benefit of so much sacrifice and love. It's beautiful. It's God-ordained. It's my life.

Keep Your Mucus to Yourself

I have a problem with mucus. I admit it. I don't like to eat off people's plates or drink out of people's cups. This goes for the people I love as well. When my kids were little, people always said to me, "Oh, you'll end up sharing your water with your child." To which I would say, "No. Never." To my recollection I held firm to this because I knew...deep down in my being...that I was not one who could drink a glass of water with chewed up goldfish floating in it. I'd rather die a painful, thirsty death than drink a sip of liquid from a cup that had my sweet child's backwash in it (no matter how much I loved them). As my kids have gotten older, and I realize they can actually sip something without backwashing, I can stomach through the occasional sip (opposite side, rim wiped). If it involves a straw...i'm out. If it involves the sharing of a utensil, and I'm second in line, I'm out. When my friends and I go to lunch and someone orders a 'community dessert', I politely tell the waitress that she need not bring me a fork. I know people think this is weird. Oh well.

With my issues in mind, imagine my disgust when twice (twice!) in the last week I've witnessed a Starbuck's employee licking his fingers before dispensing my change. I was so COMPLETELY GROSSED OUT the first time that I called the corporate number and said, "GROSS!!! Do something!" The customer service rep took my info and assured me that the problem would be addressed immediately. In light of this I happily skippity do dawed my way back to Starbucks a few days later to give it another go. Same employee. Same mucus. Same finger. GAG ME. I called again and told the CSR that this time he has lost me as a customer on the days this guy is working. I don't want the poor guy fired, I just don't want his spit on my money. C'mon...it's flu season. Has he heard of the swine flu? He needs to stop his piggy ways.

I think he should get a job at 31 Flavors since he likes to lick things.

Anonymously Yours

Reading Marie's blog has reminded me (again) how much I despise "anonymous" posts. Honestly, isn't the internet/blogging anonymous enough without calling oneself "Anonymous"? Invariably, anonymous posters post negative comments. This results in something much like a hit and run accident. They do damage and then high tail it away from the scene of the crime, leaving the poor victim to wonder what in the heck just hit them. How spineless does an individual have to be to hide behind the cloak of "anonymous"? Perhaps I don't understand it because I tend to own my comments - positive and negative. Really, their self esteem must be even lower than mine is because I like attaching my name to my dumb comments.

So...to all you Debbie Downers of the world (waa waaaah)...who get your kicks posting ugly and hateful things anonymously...stand up and let yourself be seen! The gig is up and your true colors (as Cindy Lauper, non-anonymously, once said) are shining through.

Television

Lord help me. The new tv season has started and I find myself waking up and thinking, "What show is on tonight?" I don't know when my addiction to tv started, but I can remember excitedly watching it as young as 5 or 6 years old and I've never stopped. The earliest show I remember was called Romper Room. I also watched a local show called The Wallace and Ladmo Show at a pretty young age. Does anyone remember Captain Kangaroo (and his friend Mr. Greenjeans)? Then there were the wonderful cartoons like The Flinstones and the Jetsons. I loved the campy show Lost in Space (danger, danger, Will Robinson) and classic shows like The Brady Bunch, Bonanza, Bewitched, The Big Valley, The Partridge Family....ohhhh, the list goes on and on. I have a vivid memory of going to bed when I was in about 5th grade to the opening of The Perry Mason Show (duhhhh duhhhh duh duh. duhhhh duhhhh duh duh duh. do do do do do do do do do...) Speaking of theme songs I still get a warm, fuzzy feeling that comes over me when I see the opening sequence to The Brady Bunch where they show a far away shot of the front of the Brady house and play cool intro music. We all know that song meant happy things were happening inside the house (except when Marsha got hit with the football before the big dance!) I think one of my favorite theme songs was to a show called Growing Pains ("show me that smile again; don't waste another minute on your crying...") I was a little taken aback the other day when my dear, sweet niece couldn't readily identify Mackenzie Phillips because *I* was quite grown up when I was watching One Day at a Time. (I've noticed that as I age I am occasionally slapped up side of the head with these types of reminders that my tree stump has really acquired some rings). Anyway, fast forwarding to present day I watched one of the funniest sitcoms I have seen in ages (at the recommendation of the previously mentioned dear, sweet niece) called Modern Family. It is funny (with a capital 'f') so that would make it Funny! It is a bit off color so don't tune in if you would be offended by a grampa's reference to his new Vietnamese granddaughter as a 'pot sticker'. I wasn't, because he clearly adored her. The best line of the whole show was when this new baby girl's uncle asked, "Her name is Lily? Won't she have a hard time pronouncing that?" (am I the only one laughing here?) Okay, so now I will be hooked on that this season. Add it to the following list of shows I record on a regular basis:

Project Runway

Amazing Race

Survivor

Top Chef

Flipping Out

Rachel Zoe

America's Next Top Model

American Idol

The View

The Dave Ramsey Show

(what did I watch before reality tv?)

and...

The Office

I could feel guilty right now for all that wasted time, but I know how the rest of my life is and I think it all balances out just fine. Besides, with DVR I can zip through commercials at lightning speed, reducing my viewing time to practically nothing.

At least that's what I tell myself. ;)

This was good for a laugh...

If you follow Dave Ramsey (heretofore referred to as DR) you know that he is big on the envelope system for some areas of spending. I have taken this DR concept to heart. At the beginning of every month, I trot myself down to my bank and hand the teller a piece of paper that allocates precisely how many $50's, $20's, $10's, $5's and $1's I will need for my envelopes. The process is simple, since I have everything multiplied out for her. In fact, the hardest part for me is handing her the paper. The thought crosses my mind, "What if they think this is a stick-up?" Anyway, on this particular day, the brain-iac behind the counter took my piece of paper, saw the total amount, and started counting out her own version of what I needed. I kindly explained to her that I actually needed it in the denominations I laid out (uh, this is why I actually did that part before I got to the bank), prompting her to start over. When she got to the tens the following conversation took place (are you ready?)

Teller: "I only have four $10's."
Me: "What?"
Teller: "I only have four $10's."
Me: "In the whole bank?" (I know it was wrong to mock her)
Teller: "No, here."
Me: "Well, I feel certain that there must be more somewhere in this bank."
Teller (pondering this for far too long): "Yeah, but I'd have to cash some money out."
Me: "Okay."

She did figure out how to walk to another teller and get me some more tens. It was rather frightening, but good for a laugh. Poor thing.

She's probably blogging about her own version of the same story. Talking about how "this old lady walked in and just HAD to HAVE her money in certain DENOMINATIONS!!! Like, whatever, you would have thought her world was going to stop turning if she didn't have just the right number of TENS!!!"

Like Dr. Phil says, "Even a flat pancake has two sides to it."

P.S. The DR envelope system works.

The Loss of a Friend

On August 2nd, my WithChild mentor and friend, was killed in a head on collision. This abrupt news came as such a shock to me that it took me quite some time to really absorb the reality of it. Kim was the kind of person who filled whatever room she was in with her zest for life and her passion for people. She directed the WithChild center for the last 11 or so years and had her hands in every part of it. She ran pregnancy tests, counseled families, met with abortion-minded women when emergencies arose, birthed babies and placed them in the arms of loving families, did home visits with adoptive couples, facilitated adoptions, helped single moms find housing, gave pro-life speeches, ordered supplies and did a multitude of other things which are too numerous to mention. Oh...and she did it all as a volunteer. It's a staggering thought, isn't it? She so loved the Lord that she devoted her life to serving Him. She didn't need a paycheck, because her payoff came when she met God face to face on August 2nd. Matthew 25:21 says, "His master replied, well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"

I miss Kim. I miss her presence in the office and the life that she brought to so much that we do here. God's hand is on WithChild, evidenced by the miracles that we witness. I have never been in an environment where I saw God move so beautifully, so often.

I would encourage everyone who is reading this to make sure that your relationships are right with the ones you love and cherish. Whether it is in your comfort zone, or out of your comfort zone...just say it, because life is fleeting. Kim didn't know when she wrote on the office calendar for August 4th, "Kim back" that she wouldn't be back, and neither did we. I am happy that the last conversation I had was to call her on vacation with the good news that we had received two donations and could pay our rent for August. Then, on the way home from that vacation, she was gone.

I know I will see her again, which is the assurance I have because of our mutual faith in Jesus Christ. Without that knowledge, these days would surely be even more difficult than they are. If you are a praying person I would ask that you remember WithChild, the volunteers who are carrying on through this painful process and Kim's husband and kids.

Leave no words unspoken with the ones you love.

(The posted picture was sent to Kim by a young woman who made a decision not to abort after counseling with her. I once asked Kim if any babies had ever been named after her and she very casually said, "Oh, I think there are 11 or 12 now". To my recollection, this little one was one of those Kimberlys).

Life

I had to laugh as I watched Dave Ramsey today. He was talking about he and his wife feeling out of place at an event and said, "I felt like a hot dog in a steakhouse". That just cracked me up. I've often felt like a hot dog in a steakhouse, too, but usually I feel like the baked potato (rimshot).

Speaking of food, I've lost my appetite. Well, it isn't completely gone but it seems to have its bags packed and be on its way out. I was standing in the grocery store yesterday and could not think of even one thing that sounded appealing to eat. I marveled at this. I'm sure it's a passing thing and had everything to do with the stress of the day (weeks...months). In fact, as I sit here I ponder the taste of a Caramel Macchiato. Does that count as food?

I'm almost done with Beth Moore's Esther Bible study. It has been exactly what I needed at this time of my life. I have learned a lot from the study about the subject, God and myself. Beth's delivery STILL makes me feel like she is yelling at me every week, but since most people don't feel that way I have to chalk it up to a personality thing. I truly like her transparency, and like the content...but that delivery thing hangs me up a bit. The best thing I've learned so far is that we should not live our life fearing the 'what ifs', but rather trust God to the point that even if the 'what if' happened He would see us through. I was also moved by the instruction to be brave in making decisions.

May each of you go forth today bathed in Christ's love.

Michael Jackson and Me

I really should be blogging about my recent trip to Kansas, but since that involves posting pictures it will need to wait. Stay tuned...

For the record, let me begin by stating that yes...the MJ coverage was bloated, voyuristic and overdone. That said, I did participate in watching the memorial on Tuesday. I found it to be a beautiful and a fitting tribute to a man who, like him or not, had an impact on our world (musically speaking). I have heard people in the media ask, "which Michael will you remember?" I will remember him as being one of the most uniquely talented individuals I have ever seen. I have actually grieved the prospect of not being able to watch him in the coming years because, as a performer goes, he had no peers. I loved, loved, loved his song "Man in the Mirror" and many of his early songs as well. Obviously, he had issues, but so do I. I am going to go against the grain of some (most?) and refrain from judging him regarding the child molestation charges against him. I wasn't there, and he was acquitted of the charges. Since I will never know the truth, I am going to choose to err on the side of his innocence. Along those same lines, I feel compelled to bring up another point. The people who called him "friend", the people who really knew him, are people of quality. These individuals (like Stevie Wonder, Brooke Shields, Smokey Robinson, Lionel Richie, etc.) don't appear to me to be people who would give a pedophile a "pass" just because he is talented.

I am most heartsick over the question of his salvation. I leave these things in God's hands. It is, however, a good reminder to us all that looks, talent, status, celebrity, fame, money, good works, or a charitable heart don't lead to salvation. In the end, when your body is gone and your spirit lives on, faith in Christ is the only thing that matters.

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
and no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself then make a change."

There's a reason it's called a Crackberry

It all started out innocently enough. It was a facebook quiz "name five things you can't live without". These items were to be material in nature, not people and animals, etc. So I listed my Blackberry (along with coffee, Jeep, tv and Bible). Less than 48 hours later, said Blackberry went on the fritz. A serious fritz. Half of my icons were missing, phone kept freezing up, I couldn't make calls or listen to voice messages. You get the picture. When I called customer service they said, "no problem...it sounds like it is a software issue so we will replace it." YIPPEEEEE. I couldn't wait for snailmail since I am taking two vacations soon, so I drove to the other end of the city to make the exchange.

Now, you would think (considering how much I wanted a new Blackberry) that I would be Little Miss Pippy Skippy down to the AT & T store to do the exchange, but all I felt was anxiety. Anxiety resulting from the dreaded question that was bound to be asked, "have you ever dropped your phone?" I am too honest to answer, "no"...and too smart to answer, "yes". It's a true moral dilema. Is there anyone (I say anyone) who has never dropped their phone? I have yet to hurl it off a balcony, but yes...I have dropped my phone. In fact, when I bought my Blackberry I told the man that I sometimes drop my phone and he basically said, "no worries...they're hearty little suckers." So there I am at the customer service counter making all nice with the rep (having already prayed and asked God to PLEASE not have him ask me if I have dropped my phone. I was quite thankful that I had included the Bible in my original list of things I couldn't live without so that God knew I still cared about Him, too.) :) I did my very best fast-talking-smiling-inquiring-story-telling to fill all of the dead air so that he couldn't slip that question in. ...and it worked, kind of.

In the midst of all of this I was also feeling sad about losing my original Blackberry. (Don't read on unless you can fully accept the fact that I am a complete weirdo and still like me.) I was actually getting emotional about leaving my first Blackberry at the store as if it had feelings. I said 'goodbye' to it and may have even 'thanked it'. (I'm scaring myself here). This is not the first time I have gotten verklempt over an inanimate object. When someone bought my Honda I thought I was going to turn to mush as they drove it away...even though I had a much better replacement car. And when we rented a huge dumpster to throw away old garbage and things from the garage and house I actually took a picture of the half-filled dumpster as my things were going bye-bye.

Back to the story. So the guy says he is going to replace my Blackberry. Whew. Later in the conversation, the idea of phone dropping did come up, and I did confess, but by this point he liked me enough that it was a non-dramatic-confession. He was cool. Yeah. Once I got home with my Blackberry it took hours to input all of my contacts, settings, etc. Nothing could be transfered due to the software glitch. This was my bonding time (I can admit this since you now know I bond with inanimate objects).

What I learned, is what I already knew to be true, I CAN live without my Blackberry. I was still breathing. I must say, this did reaffirm my commitment to take one day a week and turn it off. When I did it, it was freeing, so I am going to do that again. I have also vowed to do whatever I can to keep this phone in my paws so that it doesn't drop.

Everyone needs a lofty goal in life.

Dear Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

I wanted to take a few minutes to thank you (so much) for once again letting your barking dog out at 7 am. I just love the sound of his yelp over, and over and over. It is like a symphony to my ears. It is especially wonderful on mornings, like this morning, when I have hardly slept due to insomnia. Why, it almost makes me giddy to hear that yelp and know that my day can begin and my restless night can end. I can't help but notice that once I am up, the dog stops yelping. How clever. A furry alarm clock. I, for one, would like to roll up a newspaper and hit the snooze button.

I wish I could find some way to repay you for your kindness in thinking about me and the other neighbors in the area. You probably have no idea that your yelping dog symbolizes life and is a constant reminder that (like your dog) no matter how often a door is (symbolically) slammed in our face, we should keep on yelping...I mean trying.

Since it is summer I could be sleeping in and spending my mornings lazily in bed. Thank you for helping me rise and shine in the 7 o'clock hour so that when August comes my early mornings won't be a shock to my system.

I'll think of you every morning (I'm sure),

Your tired neighbor

Exhaling

Today John left for a trip to California with his senior class. I miss him already. It is such a joy to watch him as he prepares to graduate. No more homework, no more deadlines, no more tests...just a load of fun with a load of friends. I couldn't be happier for him.

Mariah turned 16 last week. She got her license, permission to date and is eager to find a job. She said, "I'm free!" which made me laugh, because I didn't exactly see her as being imprisoned for the first 15 years. I couldn't be happier for her either.

I marvel at these two children of mine. So different and yet both so completely attached to my heart. John likes to be grounded; Mariah can't wait to fly. John seeks consistency; Mariah likes change. He is a natural musician; she a reader and writer. What a joy it is to raise these lambs of mine. To watch them grow physically, spiritually and emotionally. With all due respect to Sophie's Choice - I could never choose.

I was talking to a co-worker on Friday about motherhood, because her baby is due to be born any day now. Exclaiming, "It goes so fast" is such a cliche', but I imagine it is because it is so true.

For all of you who are new moms, or soon to be moms, I can't emphasize it enough: cherish the moments with your little ones. Cherish the mundane as well as the fun. These moments that tick by into hours, days, weeks, months and years are the moments that will weave themselves into a tapestry. One day in the future you can sit back, exhale and let your mind and heart be covered in this tapestry of memories. Mine is still being woven together, as is yours. Like me, you will have some knots, strings and holes in your tapestry, but the beauty will remain.

I leave you with the most beautiful of reminders from The Fiddler on the Roof:

Sunrise, Sunset

"Is this the little girl I carried?

Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older

When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?

When did he grow to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday

when they were small?

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly fly the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears."

lady of leisure

I am sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner in the middle of my kitchen while I type this post. I am feeling lazy indeed, as I watch my friendly carpet cleaning man slaving away over my filthy carpet while I rock in this chair. Mind you, it was my intent to clean the kitchen while he cleaned the carpets. However, I failed to remember that when he cleans the carpets he moves all the furniture into the kitchen...so I'm off the hook (lucky me). It is so out of character for me to sit around while workers work. I am usually far to embarrassed to do so. In fact, some of my most productive times are when others are around. The pool man can be outside working on the pool and look inside the window to see me scurrying around my nest picking up and cleaning like a bat out of hell. (Little does he know that when he leaves, and no one is around to see me, I plop my rear down on the sofa to absorb another fascinating episode of The Real Housewives of New York City!) It just occurred to me that the way I could be productive every day is to schedule some repair at my home!

I am trying, desperately, to get ready for Mariah's 16th birthday party on Saturday. Being sick for the last two weeks has not helped my cause. On Monday, I finally said to myself, "START CLEANING" and my self answered back, "okay, if I have to." So I did. The house is coming along and I keep reminding myself that a bunch of teenagers are going to care about the food and friends and not whether my coffee tables are perfectly dusted. Perfectionism...the noose around my neck.

I find my self lurking around people's sites and wonder if everyone does this. I go on Facebook and click on a friend's site then the next thing I know I am visiting all kinds of people that I don't know and who don't know I am visiting them! I do this with blogspot blogs as well. I am not sure why I do this, as I have absolutely NO connection to any of these people. I am presently in some Facebook doo-doo, because I am ignoring friend requests right and left. I know that Facebook is a social networking website. I do get that, but I find it odd to be inviting people into my present day world just because I went to high school with them 32 years ago. These people are strangers to me. I wouldn't know them if I were standing next to them in the Starbuck's line (yum). There is a part of me that says, 'what's the big deal'? but the other part screams, 'don't do it!' so I keep clicking 'ignore'. This action of ignoring then brings on anxiety. I picture myself going to a high school reunion and having a group of people standing next to the chips and dip and whispering, "she ignored my Facebook request."

Which brings me to my latest and greatest gripe: Twittering! What is up with this? We are becoming a nation of The Self Absorbed. I know, I know I have just dropped the hammer on my legion of fans who woke up this morning and thought, "I wonder what Michele is doing right now?" It causes me pain to be disappointing those of you who have been waiting with bated breath to find out when I make my trek to the mailbox each day. I want to do it for you, because as you know my life is uber-exciting, but I just can't do it. I am sick of hearing about it as well. Doesn't the fact that the suspender-wearing-relic, Larry King, is twittering tell you anything? Don't get me wrong, I love Larry King and watch his show several times a week, but I DON'T need to know when he is taking his Metamucil.

The carpets are done and I am reminded once again of what color they are, which isn't the brown I've grown accustomed to. How beautifully refreshing (kind of like this break I had). Thanks for tuning in.

h1n1 is a dumb name

who named the swine flu 'h1n1'? call me silly, but i don't think it is necessary for a flu name to be four syllables. i prefer 'swine' because it has a comical ring to it, and Lord knows when you have the flu you need to find humor in it. i have to laugh at the graphics that i see on tv with the little pigs and the headline "SWINE FLU". what kind of cute graphics are they going to have for "H1N1"? that's not fun! so here we have another case of dumbing down america. rather than continuing to educate people that they will not get the flu from eating pork, we are just going to change the name for the ignorant masses. i would assume that most people, like me, hear 'h1n1' and think to themselves, 'that's the swine flu!' so what is the point?

yesterday i watched kirstie alley talking about her weight gain on oprah. (yes, i DID swear off oprah, but have allowed myself to get sucked back in once she stopped with her 'woo woo' new age subjects.) anyway, back to the fatties...it was refreshing to listen to kirstie talk to oprah about her journey. she's just like me (except i'm not a famous-scientologist-actress and i haven't gained back all of my weight plus ten extra pounds). i've always liked kirstie alley because of the transparency with which she shares. i like people who are authentic. plus, she was able to laugh about it, and you know how i feel about laughter. you've gotta laugh.

no withchild today as i am too sick to go in. i will leave you with this story-of-the-week. a forty five year old woman called withchild and said that she needed an ultrasound so that she could find out how far along her baby was and plan an abortion. my director, kim, met her at the doctor's office for an ultrasound. when the technician put the device on her stomach the screen was taken up with a baby's face staring back at them. kim said that in all of her years of doing this work she has never seen a sight like that. this little boy was looking out of the womb right at them. the woman, who was 22 1/2 weeks along, said she could never abort a baby that was just looking at her and said she wanted to talk adoption. the end of the story is that she has picked a couple who, like her, are older and not the young, beautiful type. they have embraced her despite her tattoos and piercings and she has embraced them despite the fact that they wouldn't be most people's first choice. baby is coming in august and i praise God for this 'snapshot' that saved a life.

My dream

Much like MLK Jr., I have a dream. My dream is that Allison get the boot on American Idol. Sooooo close to going last night, but noooooo. I will need to endure one more week of her marbles-in-the-mouth singing and looking at her bad dye job. She has seriously got. to. go. Okay, enough about her. This post is about the REAL dream that I had two nights ago. I had a dream that I was at the gym and right before I was set to work out someone gave me a ginormous burrito. I started eating it, and before I knew it the entire thing was gone. Because I had just scarfed down such a honkin' big meal, I decided not to work out thinking, "what's the point"? This dream just cracked me up in its ability to relay my real life. Other than the fact that I wouldn't eat a huge burrito...at the gym...it was pretty much spot on in terms of my thinking since I stopped my water aerobics this week out of discouragement. i LOVE water aerobics, i just don't love my lack of discipline in other areas so that the water aerobics pays off. I am working out SO hard, and then blowing it with my senseless fill-my-piehole eating. ugh. I watch the Biggest Loser contestants weigh in and think, "oh, I'd love to have lost 4 pounds this week" as I lick the soft vanilla ice cream from the edges of my ice cream sandwich. I look at their toned bodies and want MY arms to be sculpted, but it doesn't seem to be happening with my daily exercise of opening and closing the mailbox. (insert ashamed face here). With my water aerobics I was seeing physical improvements (and am resuming on Monday) so I still have hope. The sun will come out tomorrow and so will my biceps.

Turning 50

I had one of the most blessed birthdays last week because of the richness of blessings I received from my family and friends. YOU are gifts in my life and I hope that you know how much you mean to me. On top of that I received some of the most beautiful and heartfelt presents. I hereby acknowledge the following awards:

Best Humanitarian Award...to Nicki McKee for her generous gift to WithChild in honor of me (and all the other great gifts, too).

Thanks for Making Me Cry (twice) Award...to Cheryl for her special coffee cup and beautiful note to me.

Thanks for Making Me Laugh/Most Original Award...to Marie for writing out "50 Things That Make Me Smile About You". One of the best gifts I've ever received.

You Fill Me Up/Oh My Gosh Award...to Sandra, for the yummy lunch, special picture and great conversation.

Most Artistic Award...to Jana and Sasha for the pretty handmade cards!

Biggest Surprise Award...to Kim for the gorgeous (and unexpected) flowers.

Best 'ahhhhhhh' Award...to Sophia, Hayden, Tiff & Doug for the colorful bouquet. So pretty!

Most Thoughtful Co-worker Award...to Kim, Elida & Regina for all they did (which was alot)!

Way to Get Me Excited Award...to Mom, Dad & Nancy for the gift card.

Looking Forward to Using it Award...to Don for the spa gift.

You Deeply Moved Me Award...to John, for his handmade card with special words to me. I will cherish it forever.

You Bring Me Joy Award...to Mariah, for her original poem about turning 50 and her handmade picture posters of the two of us. I will cherish these forever as well.

I love you all.

Prom 2009

I admit to feeling quite choked up at the idea of our children heading off to prom. Gosh, the time has flown. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was feeding John Gerber peas and watching Mariah drink from her, 'baba'. Now, John rarely eats peas and Mariah only drinks milk with her cereal. I have a lifetime of precious memories raising up these two lambs. They have my heart.

Here's a group shot of John, with his date Andrea; and Mariah, with her date Clark. Mariah doesn't officially start dating until her sixteenth birthday in May, but we bent the rules a bit...and it was a first date to remember.

...the whole gang...

(More pictures on facebook)

Wettin' with the Oldies

Everyone knows who Richard Simmons is. That goof with the curly hair and striped, tight gym shorts. He's well known for his video, "Sweatin' to the Oldies", which I promise I have never watched. (I did buy his deal-a-meal years ago, but realized it wouldn't work for me when I got a burrito at Taco Bell and found that most of my day's allotment was almost gone). Anyway...I recently joined a gym so I could do water aerobics, which I love. The classes I have done so far have been a great workout, but I can't get over how old the participants are. I'm going to be 50 in a week, and they have many, many years (if not decades) on me. I'm looking around and thinking, "if these are the people in the level II/III class, who the heck is in the 'Rusty Hinges' class???" I'm not kidding...they actually have a class called 'Rusty Hinges'...which I find gut-splitting hysterical. I'm wondering if something is wrong with me though. I was looking at all of these people and thinking about the fact that I was sweating (did you know you can sweat in a pool?) Then, I started thinking, "If I'm sweating...they are probably sweating", which grossed me out. Then my mind went a step further and started looking at their bathing suits, feeling grateful when I saw that they were clinging tightly to their old bodies and that none of them were loose fitting where stray things could fall out. Yeah, I know...the thought disturbed me too. Sorry. (This post is anonymous, right? Okay, good). Hey, that's what I get for having an hour to do nothing but workout and think!

Crock o' Crap

I've always maintained that cooking is a breeze and have never been able to understand why people say they can't cook. My sarcastic response is usually something along the lines of, "well, can you read?" Because, for the most part if you can read...you can cook. I also love crock pot meals because they are easy, breezy - just like Cover Girl makeup. HOWEVER, the other night I made a crock pot meal that was seriously icky-poo-poo. Here's a picture of it for your enjoyment:

Pretty bad, eh? I think the people who publish bad tasting crock pot meals should be forced to accept Fed-Ex packages of leftovers from cooks like me who fell into their trap by reading titles like, "Oriental Steak and Pea Pods" and listing ingredients like sirloin, rice, pineapple juice and teriyaki. To my family's credit, they actually ate this glumpy slop and said it wasn't too bad. It was high praise considering I once heard, "smells like low tide" after serving a seafood dish. Fortunately, it all just makes me lol.

Disclaimer: The above cook, heretofore known as 'ponytayl', may have had the crockpot turned on the high setting instead of the recommended low setting, resulting in her crock o' crap.

Earth Day Dumbness

I will fully admit, at the beginning of this post, that perhaps my Christian heart needs some balance when considering the care of our earth. I don't litter, but I also don't recycle. I'm not proud of the fact that I don't recycle, I'm just too lazy to do it. (I'm thankful I don't live in a state where they tell me I must do it, because I don't want the government in my garbage, thank you.) However, this notion of an 'Earth Day' and specifically last night's 'Earth Hour' from 8:30-9:00 is just too much. I happily turned my home's lights on during that hour as a rebellious "NO" to all things 'earthy'. I'm typically the one in my house that walks around and turns all of the lights off in the rooms we aren't in. I'd like to say that I do that to decrease my carbon footprint, but the truth is that I do it to decrease my electric bill. I actually do think that we should take care of the earth, but I also think that God's plan is going to come to fruition in HIS TIME whether we have a hole in the ozone or not. This is probably the crux of the problem for me. I see people who are preoccupied with saving the earth as being under the impression that we CAN save the earth, when the reality is that the earth...and everything in it...is in God's hands. Should we want to leave a beautiful planet for future generations? Of course. But we shouldn't be under the illusion that by 'being green' our world will last longer. Which is why I often see red when it comes to being green.

My Two Cents

oh my gosh! i was at the grocery store today using the last of my weekly grocery money. i had $48.91 to spend and when i rang up my groceries (in the u-scan lane that i love so much) my total came to (drum roll please.....) $48.93. i was like a little kid counting out my change and realizing that i might have the EXACT amount of money. the fact that i was off by two cents didn't dampen my experience too much. perhaps my life is just ultra dull these days, but i can't tell you how exciting that was for little pea-brained me!

Dr. Phil-ism

dr. phil never ceases to crack me up...and i needed a laugh today. he was talking to three young women who were each in a dysfunctial marriage. their individual issues are too numerous to mention. (one of the young women broke her husbands collarbone with the leg of a table, but to her credit admitted that she has sought help for her 'anger' issues.) anyway...here it comes...at one point in the conversation dr. phil says,

"if insight were lard the three of you couldn't grease a skillet."

classic. you go, dr. phil. up until today my favorite dr. phil-ism has been, "he'll just have to get glad in the same pants he got mad in." i still laugh about that one, and have repeated it more times than i can count.

hey, at least i'm not watching maury are-you-my-baby's-daddy povich.

a life lost

it's taken a week, but i am ready to talk about it.

ashley, a young woman who looked like she walked out of an abercrombie & fitch advertisement, came into withchild in late january for a pregnancy test. she was scared about the results having had a previous abortion and a subsequent tubal pregnancy. the results? positive. again. ashley took it hard, but having regretted her past abortion she seemed to be onboard for carrying the child to term. a week later she came into our offices for an ultrasound and together we watched her 10 week old baby tumble, kick and wave. i watched her face light up as she looked at the screen in amazement. i was thrilled to get one of the ultrasound pictures, and hung it on my fridge, like any expectant parent would do. no...i wasn't the parent, but i was so excited about this life that would come to fruition!

i found out last week that ashley aborted her baby. my heart is aching, still, for this life that is no more. an innocent party to destruction. my heart, through the anger, hurts for ashley as well. she made a life altering decision that she will live with for a lifetime. the first abortion may have been done in ignorance, but this abortion was with full knowledge for i watched her as she marveled at the life moving within her. ashley saw her baby's beating heart, spine, hands and feet. i still haven't been able to comprehend how she could see what she saw and make the decision she made. again.

does life begin at conception? yes. it is my hope that one day in heaven i will have the opportunity to meet this baby that i cherished from the beginning.

John in Guadalajara

I love this shot of John hanging out with a couple of furry friends in Guadalajara.




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He always seems to meet new animals when he travels. This is a shot of Ginger who he met in Alaska last summer. She had really bad paws so before he left he bought her little booties to wear. She doesn't have them on here, but she looked cute in her new little shoes.

monkeys 2, otters 1

i had a great time at the zoo today, even though it felt like it was 120 degrees outside. i had the foresight to wear a spaghetti strap tank under my see through blouse (smart me), which was good since i shed my blouse about 45 minutes into our zoo adventure. anyway, i digress. spending the day with my own lamb, mariah, was fantastic. i think we saw every animal on display and ooohhhed and aaahhhed all day long. considering my lifelong fascination with monkeys, it is no surprise that they were the highlight. the little 3 year old orangatang was ADORABLE. unfortunately the baboons, with their hemorroid butts, were as disturbing as ever. i find them fascinating to watch in a car-wreck kind of way. i also loved watching the flamingos (not that they were really doing anything). sometime in the near future i am going to google 'flamingo' and find out why they like to stand on one leg. it is puzzling to me, because their legs are sooooo spindly. it seems to me that standing on both would be a necessity, since one alone looks like the equivalent of a single toothpick holding up a cupcake. the big surprise of the day was the otter attraction. man, oh man, were they adorable, playful little things. now THERE is an animal that seems to be getting the most out of life! i'm thinking the flamingos should take a field trip and visit their neighbors the otters to find out how to really live it up. sorry i don't have any pictures to show for this fabulous day. even though i'm an adult i am going to lay the blame at the feet of mariah whom, when i asked if i should take the camera replied, "well, you could but then you'd need to carry it all day." instead i spent the day saying, "i wish i had my camera". maybe next time. :)

Chase...errrrrr

okay, so yesterday i got a notice in the mail that my chase credit card is going to raise my APR from 11.99% to 15.24%. gee thanks, chase! that was the bad news. the good news is that i got them before they got me and cut up my pretty little chase card last october. sadly, for chase...but happily for me i am paying it off next month a full month before they decided to stick it to me. despite my good fortune with my chase account it makes me so mad that these companies are feeding off the responsible people that are continuing to pay their bills. errrrrrrrrrr. one of my friends told me today that she got a notice from her bank that her APR was going to be raised 12 points!! these two aren't the only ones. when i called to ask target to lower the APR on that card they flat out told me, "not only are we not going to lower it for you...we are actually going to be raising it." hey, thanks for the notice!! it is now next in line to be cut, which i will do as soon as i get the official word.

i reiterate again how grateful i am that marie (and devin) shared their enthusiasm about dave ramsey's principles, that i cut cards last year, that i read his book, that i am using CASH and that because of these things i am one step ahead of these banks and credit card companies.

whew.

kansas

I'm home now and going through the usual, 'I miss Kansas-family' letdown that occurs everytime I leave. Of course coming home to my own family is wonderful, but I just wish I didn't have to leave my extended family who live so far away. I think the people in the 'old days' had it right when they had communities made up of families...sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. There are very few people in my family that I wouldn't enjoy having around all of the time. Don't worry...if you're reading this blog you aren't one of them! ;)

This picture (above) is Addison sitting on a pretend bench at the park. She got such a kick out of pretending to sit on it.

Addison was probably watching Barney or Dora, two shows that she loves.

While in Kansas I stayed with Marie and Devin, but saw my sister every day. Yeah! I loved meeting my brand new grandniece, Ainsley, who was only 2 weeks old, and catching up with 2 1/2 year old, Addison. Ainsley is precious, especially when she sleeps and 'squeaks'. We thought it would be cute to nickname her 'Squeaky', but for people my age that brings up the inevitable comparison to the Manson co-hort Squeaky Fromme...so we don't want that.

Addison is a bright active little munchkin who is incredibly verbal and articulate for someone so young. She sings all the time, much like my Mariah. I was blown away when I heard her singing, Angels We Have Heard on High...including the 'in excelsis deo' part. Gee, I just learned that last year. Addison is precious with her sister and helps out all the time with diapers, wipes, binkies, etc. She also loved helping me bake cookies...and eating them!

Marie and Devin are an awesome team and welcomed me with open arms. Marie is one of the only people I know who likes to sit around and relax as much as I do. It must be in the Maszk gene pool...although my sister surely didn't receive the gene! Marie and I enjoyed our time watching American Idol and The Biggest Loser together. She and Cheryl were privileged to see me do my 'happy dance' with my sweat pants hitched up to my sagging boobs while I danced to one of my favorite contestants singing one of my favorite songs during the AI culling process. HEY...not many people have seen my happy dance show...and it WAS special. Marie threatened to take a video and post it to youtube. (It would be embarrassing, but frankly once you've walked through Mervyns with your dress tucked into your thong, doing a happy dance is mild.)

I shot these pictures while Marie was sleeping with Ainsley. They were both so tuckered out that they never even stirred despite the camera flash and multiple pictures.

Thanks for the memories Riley's and Teetsel's!

How is it...

How is it that I can feel such overwhelming sadness for a life that I may have never known? Today the manager of our state run homeless shelter was shot 9 times by a homeless man. Reports say that the homeless man was angry about being kicked out of the shelter, so he shot someone dead.

~My heart feels cracked over the senselessness of this act.
~My brain feels frightened for Thursday night when I will, once again, enter this shelter looking for homeless youth.
~My hands feel tired of wiping tears.

I suppose this sadness stems not just from the loss of life, but the realization of what I have always known to be true: these shelters are often a haven for the hopeless. Sometimes it seems I can taste the hopelessness in the air. I can certainly see it in the etched and worn faces of the men and women who have (sometimes) spent a lifetime with a cot for a bed, their entire room 'decor' consisting of a state fair stuffed animal propped next to a dirty wall.

These are the people that society has forgotten, or want to forget. But they are there...and sometimes they kill the messenger.

Pure Love is This

I was just so overwhelmed today. I went to the doctor with one of my WithChild clients, who is a birthmother planning to place her child for adoption. We were all there: the birthmother, her teenage daughter, the adoptive parents and me. The love...the pure, unselfish love...that this woman is showing her unborn child by placing her for adoption is unbelievable. I have so much respect for her, because she is doing what she feels is best for her unborn daughter, at great cost to herself. Every time I am around her I am struck by her grace in the midst of this difficult circumstance. Of course, I am also very happy for the adoptive family...knowing the blessing that will soon penetrate every nook and cranny of their lives and their hearts.